4 Ways to Stop Overthinking

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4 Ways to Stop Overthinking

What if things don’t go the way I planned? What if something bad happens? What if I get hurt again? What if I lose my control again?

We all go through such over thinking patterns. Thinking is good but over thinking is harmful. It only drags us deeper into problems that never exist. We end up in long self talks and waste our time, energy and over thinking. So let’s see what this over thinking is all about. In simple terms, it means our minds plays game and builds all possible scenarios that are imaginary. Our mind builds a long chain of ‘What if’s’ isn’t it? So what do we do about it? Here are 4 ways to deal with overt thinking.

  1. Be in love with Uncertainty

One of the reasons we over analyze and over think is because life looks so uncertain and we are not comfortable with this uncertainty. Our mind tries to develop a series of scenarios so as to try to predict what will likely happen if we take or don’t take action. The world is so complex these days that any over thinking we do about the future is futile and sends us into a spiral of unwanted thoughts that leads to unwanted feelings.

Our mind is so used to ‘be sure of something’ i.e. certainty, that even a smallest uncertainty makes us uncomfortable and we start to over think.

When we become comfortable with this uncertainty (especially of future), we shift our focus to the present. Now present is the only time that is real and can be acted on!

  1. Clear your self-doubts

Many people are victim of this moral loading of “I should “and “I should not”. In the process to validate what is right and wrong , correct and incorrect, we end up having self doubt as we are not used to try new ways of dealing with it. If you want to try new way of doing things, you need to let go of “used to” or “set ways” of dealing. The more clear you become about your thoughts, more self doubts are clear.

  1. Deal with your fear

Fear of failure is instilled in few of us from early childhood. We’re told not to do that, avoid this, or else.As we grow, this belief tends to become unconscious and automatic. We aren’t aware of its presence, yet it controls us from the shadows, like an invisible puppet master. Overcoming fear of failure is not easy, but it can be done, especially when you are determined to. You can’t predict the future, which means you don’t know if failure is good or bad. One of the best ways is identify, where this fear is coming from and deal with it is have your own answers to all questions because of which you experience fear

  1. Give up “Perfectionism”

Excellence is good however, perfectionism kills discovery. We are so used to work towards a perfect work and personal life that when things are not going the perfect way (Again its self created definition of perfect) it causes inaction and lack of acceptance . Unless we experiment, we won’t discover new ways. Over thinking is also caused by this lack of ‘accepting imperfections’. We need to realize that no one is perfect and only way to accept others is accept ourselves with imperfections. Once we accept, we shift to figure out various or new ways of dealing that reduces over thinking.

Remember! If you think without clarity, you will end up No-Where. If you think with clarity you will be NoW-here! And when you Act in Now and here, there is no overthinking!



Supriya Pujari


Are you stressed??? 5 simple techniques that I implement to Destress and to be Emotionally fit

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Many a time, we find ourselves in situations where our to-do list seems never ending, deadlines are fast approaching and we find ourselves saying ‘Uff.. I feel stressed!’

 The word “Stress” is used left and right and is so common that even 5-6 year old kids feel they are stressed, let alone adults. But there are also other sets of people who are stressed and yet they do not know about it. This has become part and parcel of their life. Most of these people do not even understand what “Stress” actually means.

From the medical news magazine – “Put in simpler terms, stress is what you experience when you believe you can’t cope effectively with a threatening situation. If you see an event or situation as only mildly challenging, you probably feel only a little stress; however, if you perceive a situation or event as threatening or overwhelming, you probably feel a lot of stress.”

Some facts on Stress

·        As per the world stress statistics, more than 60% of people are suffering from stress.

·        If you are under stress you tend to over eat or eat unhealthy foods.

·        You also lose sleep overnight. 

·        "Extreme" Stress even shrinks the brain which can lead to future psychatric problems

·        Every year you lose almost 30% or above of your income due to stress.

But how do you know that you are under stress? Below is an indicative list that will help you understand if you are suffering from stress

·        The Physical effects of stress include: Sweating, pain in the back or chest, cramps or muscle spasms, fainting, headache, heart disease, high blood pressure, lower immunity against diseases, sleeping difficulties, stomach upset

·        Emotional reactions can include: anger, anxiety, burnout, concentration issues, depression, fatigue, a feeling of insecurity, forgetfulness, irritability, restlessness and sadness

·        Behaviors linked to stress include: food cravings and eating too much or too little ,sudden angry outbursts, drug and alcohol abuse, social withdrawal, frequent crying ,relationship problems

Yes, Stress is silently killing you. Obviously your life is important and you want to live a healthy, successful and happy life.

Do you want to know how to alleviate all you’re built up stress and live a happy, healthy and successful life?

Below are the 5 techniques that I implement to be emotionally and physically fit: (Burn your Stress, Mindful Breathing, Chocolate Meditation, Attitude of Gratitude and Color a Picture)

1.      Burn your Stress: For this you will need pen and a bundle of paper to write, a bowl strong enough to hold the fire and a match box. Follow the below steps :

a.       You will need a silent place or a room, where nobody can come and disturb your. Sitting in an open space would be more beneficial

b.      Make yourself comfortable in the room.

c.       Write all your negative thoughts and emotions on a piece of paper. Let the thoughts flow in, do not worry what it is all about. Don’t give a second thought on what you are writing. Just keep writing as the thoughts come in your mind. While writing you may also feel like crying, screaming, be comfortable doing this. Let the emotions flow out

d.      Take a bowl and a match box. Tear the paper in the bowl and while you are tearing the paper put an intention “I let go off all the negative emotions, stress, out of my body in this bowl”. Keep repeating this as you tear each and every paper in the bowl

e.      Then burn all those pieces of paper in the bowl

f.        While you observe the paper burning have an intention, all my negative emotions, stress are burning out and I am released out of this stress and anxiety . I am a free bird and a happy, healthy and successful person. Keep repeating this at least 12 times

2.      Mindful Breathing: A basic method is to focus your attention on your own breathing—a practice simply called “mindful breathing.” After setting aside time to practice mindful breathing, you’ll find it easier to focus attention on your breath in your daily life—an important skill to help you deal with stress, anxiety, and negative emotions, cool yourself down when your temper flares, and sharpen your ability to concentrate.

Below is the daily 2-minute breathing exercise that can do wonders for you

a.       Sit in a comfortable position and ensure your back and head are supported

b.      Next place your hands on your lower stomach, just a few inches below your belly-button and relax your jaw

c.       With your mouth wide open start taking deep breaths through your mouth and notice that your belly-button begins to rise like a balloon

d.      Exhale through your mouth with a quick, but gentle sigh

e.      Focus on breathing in deeply through your mouth for the count of 7 and out for the count of 6, without pausing.

f.        If over the next 2-minutes any thoughts and feelings arise, as they shall, you can imagine that they are either a balloon — each with a different colour, gently floating away on the breeze — Or, they are gently floating away in a stream that is flowing quietly at your feet — And with kind compassion you accept whatever is in the moment.

3.      Chocolate Meditation: Get your favourite chocolate. Follow the below steps. Take a piece of chocolate and mindfully eat it. Health conscious people can have dark chocolate. People who do not like chocolate can chose a food item of their choice.

a.       Slow down, sense it, savor it and smile between bites

b.      Purposefully slow down. Use all your senses to see it, touch it, smell it, and sense it

c.       Then gently pop it into your mouth and really savor it. Savor its texture, its taste, how it feels in your mouth

d.      Let it linger and then swallow it. After you have swallowed it, let your lips turn up slightly and smile

e.      Do the above steps for each bite you take

4.      Attitude of Gratitude: An attitude of gratitude means making it a habit to express thankfulness and appreciation in all parts of your life, on a regular basis, for both the big and small things alike. Thinking about all you have to appreciate can boost your happiness and your overall sense of well-being, according to psychologists. Follow the below steps :

a.       Take a Book and make this your Gratitude Journal

b.      When you wake up every day list down 3 things that you are grateful for and write this in the Gratitude Journal

c.       While you are walking or climbing stairs or in a lift or just sitting idle keep repeating in your mind “I thank the Universe for blessing me with happiness, abundance, prospering and joy. I thank each and every person in and around me, they help me evolve in my life journey. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You”

d.      Before you go to sleep express gratitude in this journal every night by noting the things that you are grateful for, proud of, and excited about

5.      Color a Picture : Artistic journaling is a method of expression that can help you access your “unconscious self,” bringing forth an awareness that can help you work through difficult feelings and traumatic events, while learning about yourself. (Stuckney and Nobel, 2010). Drawing or colouring your thoughts and feelings on a piece of paper can be a helpful exercise in self-reflection.

You will need a chart paper or a plain drawing book and a box of poster colors or pencil crayons or anything else you would like to use to paint. You do not need to be artistic or have a good knowledge on painting. With whatever knowledge and understanding you have,follow the below steps:

a.       Close your eyes think of a happy image or an incident. Observe your feelings, what colors do you notice in this happy image. Make a mental note of it

b.      Take the paper and the colors and now let your happy image with the colors be on the paper

c.       Be relaxed and comfortable and complete the picture

d.      Once done observe the picture and keep it at a place where you can see it always. As this image will always remind you of how happy and joyful you are.

After following the above In my personal and professional life I have seen a lot of positive changes. I truly believe in “You have the power to transform you life. Within you is strength greater than any life challenge”.

Apart from the above I also conduct workshop for Anil Dagia's Emotional Fitness Gym. More about this can be found at https://www.alchemistzen.com/programs-for-you/emotional-fitness-gym/


References & Credits to

a. Dummies.co

b. Medicalnewstoday.com

c. Wikepedia

d. Huffingtonpost

Why we don't take action

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After 5 years of relationship, she was feeling suffocated. The incident happened a year back when her professional goals were not respected by him, in spite of her efforts and open talks with him, she was asked to let go of her passion and career! This made her think on only one question “Why am I here in this relationship?” “What do I want” After lot of self introspection, she was clear on ‘this needs end’. An end where there is no return. She is living with this thought since one year and nothing has changed! Today, when she looks back she realizes that they both have invested a lot of time, energy and emotions for this relationship to work. However, this is not leading to a fulfilled life! But…what next? What to do if I move on? Where my life will be without him? How should I face a life without him after coming so far? The moment her mind was full of these questions, she decided not to act and hope for the best! Does this sound familiar? This is seen everywhere. Be it your personal life, a career decision, acquiring new skill, following your passion everywhere!

We all have something that stops us from taking actions. We always wish to leave things on time and hope for the best. However, this doesn’t work. If we focus on that something we will definitely get an answer! This ‘something’ is nothing but The Fear of Uncertainty! This is the only fear that holds us back and as a result, we don’t take actions! Simply because we do not want to face uncertainty. Uncertainty of emotions, opportunities, actions, results into fear. When we deal with this fear first, there will be no more holding back, there will be only actions! It’s specifically quoted in Geeta Puran that ‘Fear limits us from beliefs that makes you us a winner’.

Now here is the 3 step process can help us to face fear and take actions

  1. Become Self Aware

One of the ways to become aware of this fear is to become self-aware in general. Being present in-the-moment and be aware of your emotions and thoughts. This will help you identify what exactly you’re afraid of. In our coaching sessions we work on the timelines of a person i.e. where the person in spending most of the time. Is it in the past, present or future and where the fear is!

Being self aware and in the moment help you recognize what strategies may help you overcome your fear. Pay attention to how certain situations or thoughts of certain situations make you feel!

  1. Recollect your success stories

Recollect the success stories of where you had fear of something and how you dealt with it. Identify what has worked for you earlier. Seek lessons from your own story. Think of the time where you were afraid of something but still you took actions! Identify your beliefs that have helped you take actions till now!

  1. Start with small

Think of life on the other side of the fear and act on it. Your right beliefs will help you act on it (Ensure you are aware of your beliefs too!). Once you take small steps to deal with this fear, you become equipped with your beliefs to take actions!

Remember! It’s the fear of uncertainty that results into Inaction!

Supriya Pujari


Why I only Give

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draw the line

Sam, A mid aged man, a cheerful person, was sitting peacefully with a cup of coffee and his phone rings. It was her again! The only thing he was used to hear, since couple of years of his relationship, from his girlfriend is how he is not worthy of this relationship. It was the day when he decided to take a time out for himself and be with his true self. He politely ended the conversation with an apology and started thinking ‘Despite my best effort why am I always blamed for not giving enough. I should do more for this relationship. I think I should try out something else to make her feel happy. If she is saying something like this there are chances that I am not doing enough. But wait! Why am I the only person who give and make her (rather everyone) happy and get a feeling of not enough? Is it really ME only? Is there a need to give so much and still have a feeling of not doing enough?’ And that’s where his true self-reflection started. What he realized was there is no need to accept ‘Not enough me’ at the face value and always be in the role of a ‘giver’. But what about the ‘takers’ who are so self-obsessed with themselves that they don’t even realize how the person is feeling!

This is a classic combination of a toxic relationship. A relationship between Empaths (Givers) and Narcissist (Takers).

Empaths often are misunderstood as being weak, or victims of their kindness. That’s not the case at all. Empaths are strong, resilient individuals who are highly sensitive to the feelings and emotions of others. However, when narcissists enter the picture, “victims” are exactly what empaths become, when they don’t know how to protect themselves and create boundaries. They are naturally drawn to help and heal anyone who is demanding their attention. And in worst situations, at the cost of own well-being.

Narcissist, on the contrary, have a charming personality and they appear to be calm and composed. While, they are self-obsessed individuals. They often feel that they are always superior to others. The most important fact to note is they are never happy and satisfied with themselves, as a result they see everyone from ‘not good enough’ lens.

A combination of narcissist and empaths develops a toxic relationship. Empaths feels a strong connect with narcissist at first sight even if he or she does nothing to develop such connect.  Narcissist are used to find incompleteness in everything within as well as around themselves. On the other hand, empaths are love givers, there is only giving to others.  Eventually, empaths begin to realize that their emotional needs are not being met, and display actions that say, “Hey, my needs matter too!”. The narcissist sees this as selfish behavior and Empaths get into self-sabotaging mode.

Here are the ways to deal with such relationships

  1. Identify if you are a Narcissist or an empath
  2. Seek clarity on your needs and how are they being met or unmet
  3. Develop boundaries for yourself FIRST and then for others to have your own sense of contentment
  4. Clearly demonstrate such boundaries and be content-full.
  5. Identify and work on your own beliefs that serves you better.

Remember! “Self-doubt is a seed for self-destruction”

Discover Yourself!


Why you did what you did

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Nisha returned home late with a frowny face after finishing long day at work. Her husband made a comment “Hey, you look tired”. She said “yes! Just had a bad day at work. Actually, I felt little upset because...”. Before she continued, her husband cut her off and said, “Oh that’s not a big deal” just to lighten up the situation (as per him). Nisha suddenly turned furious, went into her room and banged the door! Her husband was wondering what was wrong with her as this was not usual her. On the other side, Nisha was inside her room, after some time, she started feeling bad for her earlier reaction towards her husband. The only question in her head was “Why did I behave like this? Why I got so angry? I am not like this at work! I have handled many critical tasks well. But why did I behaved like this with my husband whom I consider the most loved person in my life” Nisha started watching TV with loud voice just to cope up with her ‘something’ that has caused this behavior. That something is nothing but a ‘Trigger’.

We all have emotional triggers that are related to something specific. It could be a past event, a topic, a person, a place, a comment etc. In most of the cases, the trigger is related to past event especially during our childhood or during our adolescence stage. The trigger and reaction associated with it is so quick, that we won’t even recognize why all this happened at the first place.

In Nisha’s case, during her school days, her mother used to have similar reactions to everything when she was expressing what happened in school. The only feeling she used to get was ‘No matter what upsets me, It’s not a big deal’. So, for Nisha, when her mother, being the most lovable person for her, wasn’t emotionally available for her when she needed, she used to express anger in aggressive reactions to get her mother’s attention.

What she believed was, when our emotions are not valued by your loved ones, the only way to get attention is through aggressive reactions.

We all come across people who develop some coping mechanisms to deal with such triggers. For e.g., running away, complete mental shutdown for some time, blaming everyone, get addicted to food, shopping etc. we need to realize that unless we identify and deal with reason for triggers, any surface level solution is not going to help.

Here are few quick steps to deal with triggers

Step 1: Accept responsibility for your reactions.

When you accept that only you are responsible for your triggers, you initiate the process of seeking the reason behind it.

Step 2: Identify the cause

You need to identify what is causing trigger. What is it that is making me behave or react in a way that is not usual me.

Step 3: Deal with the root cause first

Once you identify the root cause, you are almost done! If you address the root cause and figure out mechanisms to get aware of your trigger in that moment, you can easily deal with it differently and you won’t have unusual reactions.

Remember! Awareness is the best tool for self-discovery. Discover your triggers and deal with it!

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