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draw the line

Sam, A mid aged man, a cheerful person, was sitting peacefully with a cup of coffee and his phone rings. It was her again! The only thing he was used to hear, since couple of years of his relationship, from his girlfriend is how he is not worthy of this relationship. It was the day when he decided to take a time out for himself and be with his true self. He politely ended the conversation with an apology and started thinking ‘Despite my best effort why am I always blamed for not giving enough. I should do more for this relationship. I think I should try out something else to make her feel happy. If she is saying something like this there are chances that I am not doing enough. But wait! Why am I the only person who give and make her (rather everyone) happy and get a feeling of not enough? Is it really ME only? Is there a need to give so much and still have a feeling of not doing enough?’ And that’s where his true self-reflection started. What he realized was there is no need to accept ‘Not enough me’ at the face value and always be in the role of a ‘giver’. But what about the ‘takers’ who are so self-obsessed with themselves that they don’t even realize how the person is feeling!

This is a classic combination of a toxic relationship. A relationship between Empaths (Givers) and Narcissist (Takers).

Empaths often are misunderstood as being weak, or victims of their kindness. That’s not the case at all. Empaths are strong, resilient individuals who are highly sensitive to the feelings and emotions of others. However, when narcissists enter the picture, “victims” are exactly what empaths become, when they don’t know how to protect themselves and create boundaries. They are naturally drawn to help and heal anyone who is demanding their attention. And in worst situations, at the cost of own well-being.

Narcissist, on the contrary, have a charming personality and they appear to be calm and composed. While, they are self-obsessed individuals. They often feel that they are always superior to others. The most important fact to note is they are never happy and satisfied with themselves, as a result they see everyone from ‘not good enough’ lens.

A combination of narcissist and empaths develops a toxic relationship. Empaths feels a strong connect with narcissist at first sight even if he or she does nothing to develop such connect.  Narcissist are used to find incompleteness in everything within as well as around themselves. On the other hand, empaths are love givers, there is only giving to others.  Eventually, empaths begin to realize that their emotional needs are not being met, and display actions that say, “Hey, my needs matter too!”. The narcissist sees this as selfish behavior and Empaths get into self-sabotaging mode.

Here are the ways to deal with such relationships

  1. Identify if you are a Narcissist or an empath
  2. Seek clarity on your needs and how are they being met or unmet
  3. Develop boundaries for yourself FIRST and then for others to have your own sense of contentment
  4. Clearly demonstrate such boundaries and be content-full.
  5. Identify and work on your own beliefs that serves you better.

Remember! “Self-doubt is a seed for self-destruction”

Discover Yourself!

               


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Anurag Shukla
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