Why we don't take action

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After 5 years of relationship, she was feeling suffocated. The incident happened a year back when her professional goals were not respected by him, in spite of her efforts and open talks with him, she was asked to let go of her passion and career! This made her think on only one question “Why am I here in this relationship?” “What do I want” After lot of self introspection, she was clear on ‘this needs end’. An end where there is no return. She is living with this thought since one year and nothing has changed! Today, when she looks back she realizes that they both have invested a lot of time, energy and emotions for this relationship to work. However, this is not leading to a fulfilled life! But…what next? What to do if I move on? Where my life will be without him? How should I face a life without him after coming so far? The moment her mind was full of these questions, she decided not to act and hope for the best! Does this sound familiar? This is seen everywhere. Be it your personal life, a career decision, acquiring new skill, following your passion everywhere!

We all have something that stops us from taking actions. We always wish to leave things on time and hope for the best. However, this doesn’t work. If we focus on that something we will definitely get an answer! This ‘something’ is nothing but The Fear of Uncertainty! This is the only fear that holds us back and as a result, we don’t take actions! Simply because we do not want to face uncertainty. Uncertainty of emotions, opportunities, actions, results into fear. When we deal with this fear first, there will be no more holding back, there will be only actions! It’s specifically quoted in Geeta Puran that ‘Fear limits us from beliefs that makes you us a winner’.

Now here is the 3 step process can help us to face fear and take actions

  1. Become Self Aware

One of the ways to become aware of this fear is to become self-aware in general. Being present in-the-moment and be aware of your emotions and thoughts. This will help you identify what exactly you’re afraid of. In our coaching sessions we work on the timelines of a person i.e. where the person in spending most of the time. Is it in the past, present or future and where the fear is!

Being self aware and in the moment help you recognize what strategies may help you overcome your fear. Pay attention to how certain situations or thoughts of certain situations make you feel!

  1. Recollect your success stories

Recollect the success stories of where you had fear of something and how you dealt with it. Identify what has worked for you earlier. Seek lessons from your own story. Think of the time where you were afraid of something but still you took actions! Identify your beliefs that have helped you take actions till now!

  1. Start with small

Think of life on the other side of the fear and act on it. Your right beliefs will help you act on it (Ensure you are aware of your beliefs too!). Once you take small steps to deal with this fear, you become equipped with your beliefs to take actions!

Remember! It’s the fear of uncertainty that results into Inaction!

Supriya Pujari


Why I only Give

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draw the line

Sam, A mid aged man, a cheerful person, was sitting peacefully with a cup of coffee and his phone rings. It was her again! The only thing he was used to hear, since couple of years of his relationship, from his girlfriend is how he is not worthy of this relationship. It was the day when he decided to take a time out for himself and be with his true self. He politely ended the conversation with an apology and started thinking ‘Despite my best effort why am I always blamed for not giving enough. I should do more for this relationship. I think I should try out something else to make her feel happy. If she is saying something like this there are chances that I am not doing enough. But wait! Why am I the only person who give and make her (rather everyone) happy and get a feeling of not enough? Is it really ME only? Is there a need to give so much and still have a feeling of not doing enough?’ And that’s where his true self-reflection started. What he realized was there is no need to accept ‘Not enough me’ at the face value and always be in the role of a ‘giver’. But what about the ‘takers’ who are so self-obsessed with themselves that they don’t even realize how the person is feeling!

This is a classic combination of a toxic relationship. A relationship between Empaths (Givers) and Narcissist (Takers).

Empaths often are misunderstood as being weak, or victims of their kindness. That’s not the case at all. Empaths are strong, resilient individuals who are highly sensitive to the feelings and emotions of others. However, when narcissists enter the picture, “victims” are exactly what empaths become, when they don’t know how to protect themselves and create boundaries. They are naturally drawn to help and heal anyone who is demanding their attention. And in worst situations, at the cost of own well-being.

Narcissist, on the contrary, have a charming personality and they appear to be calm and composed. While, they are self-obsessed individuals. They often feel that they are always superior to others. The most important fact to note is they are never happy and satisfied with themselves, as a result they see everyone from ‘not good enough’ lens.

A combination of narcissist and empaths develops a toxic relationship. Empaths feels a strong connect with narcissist at first sight even if he or she does nothing to develop such connect.  Narcissist are used to find incompleteness in everything within as well as around themselves. On the other hand, empaths are love givers, there is only giving to others.  Eventually, empaths begin to realize that their emotional needs are not being met, and display actions that say, “Hey, my needs matter too!”. The narcissist sees this as selfish behavior and Empaths get into self-sabotaging mode.

Here are the ways to deal with such relationships

  1. Identify if you are a Narcissist or an empath
  2. Seek clarity on your needs and how are they being met or unmet
  3. Develop boundaries for yourself FIRST and then for others to have your own sense of contentment
  4. Clearly demonstrate such boundaries and be content-full.
  5. Identify and work on your own beliefs that serves you better.

Remember! “Self-doubt is a seed for self-destruction”

Discover Yourself!


Why you did what you did

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Nisha returned home late with a frowny face after finishing long day at work. Her husband made a comment “Hey, you look tired”. She said “yes! Just had a bad day at work. Actually, I felt little upset because...”. Before she continued, her husband cut her off and said, “Oh that’s not a big deal” just to lighten up the situation (as per him). Nisha suddenly turned furious, went into her room and banged the door! Her husband was wondering what was wrong with her as this was not usual her. On the other side, Nisha was inside her room, after some time, she started feeling bad for her earlier reaction towards her husband. The only question in her head was “Why did I behave like this? Why I got so angry? I am not like this at work! I have handled many critical tasks well. But why did I behaved like this with my husband whom I consider the most loved person in my life” Nisha started watching TV with loud voice just to cope up with her ‘something’ that has caused this behavior. That something is nothing but a ‘Trigger’.

We all have emotional triggers that are related to something specific. It could be a past event, a topic, a person, a place, a comment etc. In most of the cases, the trigger is related to past event especially during our childhood or during our adolescence stage. The trigger and reaction associated with it is so quick, that we won’t even recognize why all this happened at the first place.

In Nisha’s case, during her school days, her mother used to have similar reactions to everything when she was expressing what happened in school. The only feeling she used to get was ‘No matter what upsets me, It’s not a big deal’. So, for Nisha, when her mother, being the most lovable person for her, wasn’t emotionally available for her when she needed, she used to express anger in aggressive reactions to get her mother’s attention.

What she believed was, when our emotions are not valued by your loved ones, the only way to get attention is through aggressive reactions.

We all come across people who develop some coping mechanisms to deal with such triggers. For e.g., running away, complete mental shutdown for some time, blaming everyone, get addicted to food, shopping etc. we need to realize that unless we identify and deal with reason for triggers, any surface level solution is not going to help.

Here are few quick steps to deal with triggers

Step 1: Accept responsibility for your reactions.

When you accept that only you are responsible for your triggers, you initiate the process of seeking the reason behind it.

Step 2: Identify the cause

You need to identify what is causing trigger. What is it that is making me behave or react in a way that is not usual me.

Step 3: Deal with the root cause first

Once you identify the root cause, you are almost done! If you address the root cause and figure out mechanisms to get aware of your trigger in that moment, you can easily deal with it differently and you won’t have unusual reactions.

Remember! Awareness is the best tool for self-discovery. Discover your triggers and deal with it!

Goals without Passion is a Fallacy

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Passion differentiates between just a dreamer & a doer.

goals passion Even during the interviews recruiters,leadership always prefer to have people with passion as part of their core team,cause they can infect people around with their energy,enthusiasm.A person with Passion would be better than hundreds who are just interested.
If one allows his/her passion to become their purpose,it will one day become their profession.
Thus,’Live with Passion & don't Leave it’.

And please do remember,"Do log in to your Goals before it leaves your Body,Mind & Soul".



The equation of Quality Time and Quality Life

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We come across people who often google terms ‘work life balance’ or ‘time management’ and try to figure out ways that will get their life organized in a better way. However, the biggest irony is they spend ‘more time’ in finding work life balance and time management answers externally. There is nothing like ‘managing work life balance’ or ‘managing time’ if you are organized internally first. In the process of finding new ways of spending time, many of us miss out to reflect internally and observe on our current quality of time spent than the amount of time spent.

We all have various needs to be fulfilled and as a result, we strive for ‘little more time’ for something that we really important for us. However, in most of the cases, when we spend time thinking about what else can be done to save time, we end up spending more time. In my previous article ‘here and now’ we learnt the best time is now! We need to have a moment of ‘time spent well’ here and now. And if we want to have this moment, the best resource available is TIME! And one should define time in terms of Quality along with quantity! Time is the only quality resource we have! And this is the only resource that is 100% in our control. Let’s ask ourselves, what we do when we don’t have anything to do? What we do when we have many things to do? Answer to both questions comes out as a laundry list of things we are ‘used to’. The moment we go through the list and start categorizing ‘important for me’ and ‘not important for me’ we may identify that there are so many things we do just for the sake of doing it or we are used to it. This also includes overthinking or procrastinating. And there comes a time, we realize ‘this is not the life I want’. Here is the fix! If we invest too much in work, you may lose out on health and relationships. If we invest too much in relationships, we may lose out on self-care and learning . If we want to improve quality of life we need to choose the quality of time invested. And the first step is to get Internally organized.

Here are few quick steps to get organized internally first

  1. Your typical day

Identify how is your typical day is spent for minimum 2 weeks. What activities you do at work and at home.  

  1. Your Areas

Identify areas where you invest most of your time. This is very crucial step as we need to check if your important areas are covered.

  1. Quality over quantity

Consider quality of work or activities done. Do we really add value to ourselves and people involved? Have you ever been happy because you’ve accomplished 3 or 10 to do’s? By the end of the day, what makes you feel satisfied really? Oftentimes, we feel like we’ve floated through a stream of requests and tasks — but by the end of the day we wonder if we have done anything profound at all.

  1. Define your quality time

One cannot have same definition of quality time. You need to work on what’s your definition of quality time and how to get the best in all areas of our life that are important for you.

  1. Be Honest with yourself

If you identify there are some areas that are being neglected or over focused, be honest with yourself to accept that and deal with them first. And get your areas of quality time right.

Remember! Any external source will NEVER tell you what’s important for you.

Choose your ‘quality time’ and it will help you experience ‘quality life’!

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